在敵對情況下維持和平
2024年5月6日By Rick Boxx
在敵對情況下維持和平
MAKING PEACE IN THE FACE OF HOSTILITY
最近,我接到一位,多年未聯絡的前同事來電。他快速地發起一場,憤怒的激烈抨擊,是有關我之前寫給其他人,但後來被人轉發給他的一封電子郵件。他誤解了我在郵件中呈現的事實,導致在他質問我的時候,我們雙方都很憤怒和沮喪。
即使我覺得這位男士的情緒爆發,是不合理且過分了,但我知道,我們都同樣信仰耶穌基督。因此,既然他是我的主內弟兄,我需要弭平煙硝並尋求解決衝突。我總結,事實上我沒有做錯任何事,但這與爭議已經無關。我開始從我的角度陳述當時的情境,並解釋我的同事是如何誤解我在郵件中的內容。我們討論了這場誤會,並且互相道歉後,我們得以友善地和平收場。
這件事在我腦海中停留了一段時間,我不禁思考,這樣的問題如何在發生之前就能被避免。我們都不是完美的個體,無論我們多麼努力去避免,無意間的衝突都會發生。後來,我感覺到,上帝在提醒我,童年時期與兄弟爭吵的時光,那些爭吵,往往是因為一些微不足道的事情。我也想起我們的母親,會明智地,堅持讓我們相互道歉並握手,以恢復我們的關係。
當我研究聖經,以及它所提供21世紀職場的智慧時,我發現其中一個中心思想,就是關係-我們與上帝的關係,以及我們與其他人的關係;無論是在工作中、家庭中,甚或是我們一天之中遇到的人。這裡提供一些有關聖經處理衝突的原則:
饒恕不是一個選項。我們傾向於認為,如果傷害我們的人,來尋求我們的饒恕,我們可以勉強地給予。或者,我們根本也可以不饒恕。但這不是耶穌基督為基督徒設定的標準。祂說:「你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。」(馬太福音6章15節)
爭端應該迅速解決。如果不及時解決,衝突可能會惡化,並演變成更大的問題。換句話說,就像把眾人皆知的鼴鼠小丘變成高聳大山(由小問題變成大問題)。有時並不可能立即處理問題,但逃避盡速解決這些問題,是沒有好處的。「生氣卻不要犯罪;不可含怒到日落,」(以弗所書4章26節)
驕傲可能是解決衝突的一大障礙。一個可以遵循的良好法則是:「維護關係比確定誰對誰錯更重要」。擁有謙卑的態度,努力達到饒恕和和解,是克服驕傲的有效良方。「弟兄結怨,勸他和好,比取堅固城還難;這樣的爭競如同堅寨的門閂。」(箴言18章19節)
一位智者曾觀察到:「你不能阻止小鳥在你頭上飛,但你能阻止牠們在你頭上築巢。」在商業中,溝通不良可能會傷害感情,但願意提供和尋求饒恕都可以帶來醫治。
@2024版權所有,經許可改編自 "UBN誠信時刻",關於職場工作中信仰議題的評論。UBN(非常規企業聯盟)是一個服務小型企業界的國際性職場信仰事工。
反省與問題討論
第一、你能想到最近一次,由於誤解或溝通不良,而導致你和另一個人之間情緒激動的經歷嗎?你是如何處理那場衝突的?你認為它得到了適當的解決嗎?
第二、即使你確信自己不是問題的起因,但你對主動嘗試,與另一個人解決爭端有何看法呢?你認為驕傲如何會成為解決衝突的障礙呢?
第三、對於原諒那些在某方面冒犯或錯怪你的人,你覺得是容易還是困難的呢?
第四、你是否同意「維護關係比確定誰對誰錯更重要」這個說法?為什麼?如果可以的話,請舉例說明。
挑戰思考
在下週的某個時候,思考一下當有人憤怒地回應你時,你通常會如何反應?在被誤解或是我們說的話被曲解,都會對我們造成傷害,進而讓我們感到需要自我防衛。你是否需要針對這些反應做出任何改變呢?如果是的話,尋找一位值得信賴的朋友、顧問或導師,並討論你如何能更有效地處理與他人的衝突,尤其是在這些衝突看似對你不公平時。
備註:如果你有聖經,想閱讀更多相關的內容,請參考以下的經文 :
箴言14章29節
14:29不輕易發怒的,大有聰明;性情暴躁的,大顯愚妄。
箴言17章27節
17:27寡少言語的,有知識;性情溫良的,有聰明。
箴言20章3節
20:3遠離分爭是人的尊榮;愚妄人都愛爭鬧。
箴言26章20-21節
26:20火缺了柴就必熄滅;無人傳舌,爭競便止息。
26:21好爭競的人煽惑爭端,就如餘火加炭,火上加柴一樣。
箴言29節11節
29:11愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。
馬可福音11章25節
11:25你們站著禱告的時候,若想起有人得罪你們,就當饒恕他,好叫你們在天上的父也饒恕你們的過犯。
路加福音11章4節
11:4赦免我們的罪,因為我們也赦免凡虧欠我們的人。不叫我們遇見試探;救我們脫離兇惡(有古卷沒有末句)。」
哥林多後書2章9-11節
2:9為此我先前也寫信給你們,要試驗你們,看你們凡事順從不順從。
2:10你們赦免誰,我也赦免誰。我若有所赦免的,是在基督面前為你們赦免的;
2:11免得撒但趁著機會勝過我們,因我們並非不曉得他的詭計。
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MAKING PEACE IN THE FACE OF HOSTILITY
MONDAY MANNAMay 6, 2024
MAKING PEACE IN THE FACE OF HOSTILITY
By Rick Boxx
Recently, I received a call from a former work colleague whom I had not heard from in years. He quickly launched into an angry tirade about an email I had written to others that he received when it was forwarded by someone. He misunderstood the facts I had presented in the email, resulting in anger and frustration on both our parts when he confronted me.
Even though I felt this man’s emotional outburst was unjustified and out of line, I knew that we shared the same faith in Jesus Christ. Therefore, since he was my brother in Christ, I needed to clear the air and seek to resolve the conflict. The fact that I had not done anything wrong, I concluded, was irrelevant. I set out to express my side of the situation, explaining how my peer had misinterpreted what I had stated in the email. After we discussed the miscommunication and apologies were exchanged, he and I were able to make peace and part on amicable terms.
This incident stayed in my mind for a while as I wondered how the problem could have been avoided before it started. All of us being imperfect individuals, unintended conflicts inevitably arise no matter how much we try to avoid them. Later, I sensed God reminding me of times during my childhood when my brother and I would fight, often over matters of little importance. I also remembered how our mother would wisely insist that we apologize and shake hands to restore our relationship.
As I have studied the Bible and its wisdom for the 21st century marketplace, I have discovered that one of its central themes is relationships – our relationship with God, and relationships we have with other people, whether at work, in our homes, or those we encounter over the course of a day. Here are a few of the principles the Scriptures provide about handling conflict:
Forgiveness is not optional. Our tendency is to think if the person who has wronged us seeks our forgiveness, we might grudgingly give it. And then again, we might not. But that is not the standard Jesus Christ set for His followers. He said, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15).
Disputes should be settled quickly. If not promptly resolved, conflicts can fester and escalate into greater problems. In other words, turning the proverbial molehill into a towering mountain. It might not be possible to address issues immediately, but it does no good to avoid working through them and seeking resolution as soon as possible. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26).
Pride can be a big obstacle in resolving conflict. A good rule to follow is that the relationship is more important than determining who is right and who is wrong. Having the humility to work toward forgiveness and reconciliation is an effective remedy for pride. “An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gate of a citadel” (Proverbs 18:19).
A wise person once made the observation, “We cannot keep birds from flying over our head, but we can keep them from building a nest in our hair.” In business, miscommunication can cause damaged feelings, but willingness to both offer and seek forgiveness can bring healing.
Copyright 2024, Unconventional Business Network. Adapted with permission from “UBN Integrity Moments”, a commentary on faith at work issues. UBN is a faith at work ministry serving the international small business community.
Reflection/Discussion Questions
1.Can you think of a recent experience when a misunderstanding or miscommunication resulted in heated emotions between you and another person? How did you address that conflict? Do you think it was resolved properly?
2.What are your thoughts about initiating attempts to resolve a dispute with another individual, even when you feel certain that you were not the cause of the problem? How can pride present obstacles to conflict resolution?
3.How easy – or difficult – do you find it to forgive someone who has offended you or wronged you in some way?
4.Do you agree with the statement that relationships with other people are more important than the determination of who is right and who is wrong? Why or why not? Give an example if you can.
Challenge For This Week
Sometime during the next week, consider how you typically respond when someone responds to you in anger. Being misunderstood, or having something we say misinterpreted can be hurtful, making us feel defensive. Are there any changes you might need to make?
If so, seek out a trusted friend, advisor or mentor and talk about how you might address conflicts with others more effectively, especially when they seem unjustified.
NOTE:
For more about what the Bible says, consider the following passages:
Proverbs 14:29, 17:27, 20:3, 26:20-21, 29:11; Mark 11:25; Luke 11:4; 2 Corinthians 2:9-11
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